The truth behind JoeyMai
by MagicmanSmokegirl
Summary: Ahoyhoy once again! This is in fact a submission into the Anzu's Angel fanfic contest. Any opinions? Always welcome. Now... Joey and Mai are so stupidly oblivious to each other that Tea gets sick of it all and plays match maker. Done to Sk8ter Boi


AA Contest  
  
Disclaimer: Yugioh? Nope. Sk8ter Boi? Nope. My own twisted lyrics?   
  
Magicman: Alrighty then cublings, I'm putting my other works on hold and writing this up for a contest. For a job this serious, I'm putting Smokegirl and the gang in the audience position.  
  
Smokegirl: I've never been so insulted!  
  
Magicman: (Pushing Smokegirl off stage) If you are interested in contest details, consult Princess Hallie and her Anzu's Angels website. In the meantime, enjoy the show! And see if you can spot the cameos.

* * *

It was a bright and sunny Monday afternoon in Domino town. Domino was a fair sized city, home to restaurants, fast food stores, a dancing hall, at least two game shops, and the headquarters for at least one major business. It also contained a high school, a shopping mall, and a park in between the two.  
  
On this particular bright and sunny Monday afternoon, two people were traveling. A blonde teenaged boy was trudging home from the school, his nose buried in a book about math and how not to fail it. Coming from the mall, her arms loaded with packages and a new fur scarf thrown around her neck was a stunning blonde teenaged girl. As it happened, both of these people's homes were on opposite sides of the park, and their paths intersected. By sheer luck, they happened to look up before plowing into each other. They blinked and smiled shyly.  
  
"Hey Mai" Joey said slowly, trying not to tangle his tongue. "Shopping?"  
  
"Oh yeah. You have to keep the malls working up new sales, or the economy goes bust. I'm just doing my part for our country" Mai babbled, blinking her appealing violet eyes. "How's school going?"  
  
"Could be better I guess. Could be worse too though."  
  
"Yeah, it could."  
  
After a few seconds, during which Joey was struggling to work up the courage to ask something and Mai waited for him to ask her. After those few seconds passed they both sighed and bid each other goodbye. Somewhat dejected, they went off in their respective directions, wishing to say what remained unsaid.  
  
From a nearby bench, Tea looked up over the top of her newspaper. "Sooo" she drawled, drawing the word out slowly, "That's how things stand, eh? Well, well."  
  
The brunette teen had been waiting for an excuse to play matchmaker between Joey and Mai for quite some time. Honestly, she had never seen anyone in the world as stupid about love as those two were! If a thousand angels led by God himself had decided to drop out of Heaven in front of the two blondes and put on a Broadway musical about it, they would just blush and deny everything. Even Kaiba, cretinous ice statue that he was, wasn't as blind deaf and dumb about it as Joseph Wheeler and Mai Valentine.  
  
But now Tea had an opening. It would take cunning, patience, and probably a few broken laws but she could do it.  
  
Tea spoke her next thought aloud. "If I don't see those two lip locking in public by the end of the week, I'll quit dancing!" There. It was official.  
  
"Not that I'd mind losing my biggest dancing competition, but what the heck are you babbling about?"  
  
Tea blinked, seeing the confused face of Johnny Stepps hovering in front of her face. Scowling, she shoved it out of the way. "Butt out, Dreadlock breath! I've got work to do!" And with that, she took off down the street, leaving Stepps quite confused and not sure he wanted comprehension.

* * *

He was a boy. She was a girl.  
  
It couldn't have been anymore obvious.  
  
He was a punk. She was a ditz.  
  
It should have gone like lickety splitz.

* * *

That night, Tea put phase one of her master plan into action. Dressed in her Halloween costume from the year she went out as Cat Woman, she crept out into the night, under stars that twinkled merrily as if aware of what she planned. The black cloth of her costume blended beautifully into the night. Mai would've appreciated the fashion statement.  
  
When she reached the blonde girl's house, Tea started scaling the wall. It was surprisingly easy; Mai's parents liked living large and had paid for little carvings in the stone and mortar of their house. 'Considerate of them to put in handholds' Tea thought ironically as she passed over some sort of dragon carving. 'If I ever take up crime for a living, I'll start with this place.'  
  
Finally she came to an open window. Pleased that she no longer had to act like a human fly, Tea slipped inside and promptly froze at the sight of purple wall paper. Mai's room. And there was Mai herself...snoring loud enough to wake the dead and clinging like grim death to a stuffed alligator.  
  
"I wanna ride the pony..." she mumbled.  
  
Wishing she had brought a camera, Tea suppressed her snickering and slipped into the bathroom adjoining Mai's room. Going straight for the perfume bottle and Pulling out a Harpy Lady card she had brought along, she carefully sprayed the card with Mai's perfume. Grabbing some of her blonde hair from the hairbrush for good measure, Tea let herself out the way she had come in.  
  
Fortunately, Tea didn't need to break into Joey's house. All she needed to do was set the perfumed card and Mai's heir in his mail box. She stood back and admired her handiwork. 'Now all I have to do is let Joey tell her how he feels.'  
  
A growl from behind Tea's back drew her attention. It turned out that Joey had a dog. It was an unfriendly looking German shepherd. And boy was it big! All that Tea could say was, "Uh oh."  
  
A passing wino stared incredulously, rendered wordless at the odd sight of Cat woman tearing like heck down the street, pursued by a viciously barking and snarling dog. In that moment, he swore off the booze. Later he became a priest, incidentally.

* * *

He wanted her. She wanted him.  
  
Just keep in mind that they were so dim.  
  
They said no words, no ifs ands or buts.  
  
They simply did not have any guts.

* * *

It was a bright and sunny Tuesday. A few clouds dotted the sky, but nothing to worry about. After school and shopping, when Joey and Mai ran into each other again, Joey seemed brighter and happier. He even complimented Mai, saying how sparkly her eyes were.  
  
Surprised and flattered, Mai beamed. From the nearby bench, Tea grinned. 'It won't be long now' she thought. 'Here comes their first kiss'. The grin faded as the objects of her scrutiny went their ways. "Or not" she grumbled. "So they need another dose, do they?"  
  
A passing albino looked up eagerly. "A dose of fire? Someone needs to be burned alive? Sweet! Muahahahahaha!" He pulled out a lighter and started flicking it wildly. Tea just sweatdropped and backed away slowly.

* * *

They were two stupid teens  
  
Such stupid lovestruck teens  
  
They couldn't see the truth at all.  
  
She had a pretty face  
  
And his head was up in space  
  
But between them there was a wall.

* * *

That Tuesday night, 'Catwoman' was out on the prowl for an encore performance. This time, she was visiting Joey's house.  
  
Tea's target was snoring on the couch, a Pamela Anderson movie stripper movie playing quietly. She made a face. 'Joey really needs better taste in movies' she thought as she slipped into the kitchen. She made another face at the padlock on the fridge. 'He also needs to start trusting people with his food. Good thing I came prepared.'  
  
One of Tea's little secrets was that her grandfather had been a master thief. Before he passed on, he had showed his granddaughter how to pick locks with a hair pin. Now THERE was a truth that would have shocked Joey out of his dreams, if only he knew.  
  
Not the fact that Tea knew how to pick locks, but the fact that she was breaking into his fridge would have sent chills down his spine.  
  
But Joey didn't know fortunately, and Tea was able to make off with a box of his favourite chocolates. These were no ordinary run of the mill chocolates, oh no! These were Black Magic brand chocolates. Even Kaiba couldn't deny that they were well worth the loads of money that they cost.  
  
Mai knew it too. More to the point, she also knew they were Joey's favourites.  
  
This time the dog was too busy gnawing on what looked like a human leg bone to bother Tea. Gulping nervously, she hurried past and down the street.  
  
This time Tea didn't need to break into Mai's house. She slipped the chocolate in through the mail slot and dusted her hands off in satisfaction.  
  
'Phase two complete' she thought. 'Now to try and catch a few hours sleep before school.' And with that, Tea blended into the night.

* * *

Five years ago was when they met  
  
He risked his star chips to her on a bet  
  
They spent the night down on the isle  
  
Talking about nothing that was worthwhile

* * *

Wednesday was dull and the sky was covered with thick grey clouds that hid the sun. Slightly chilly, Tea shivered behind her newspaper as she waited for Joey and Mai to show up.  
  
Ah! There they were. Joey was prancing merrily down the street (he had just passed a test) while Mai was coming up the street, a big grin on her face.  
  
Mai looked ready to make a move. She even walked up to Joey and hugged him. He looked startled, but far from displeased. "What was that for?" he asked.  
  
"I just think you deserve it." Mai giggled and took off down the street.  
  
Tea growled, quietly for Joey was still present. When the blonde walked off with a dumb smile on his face, she tore her newspaper in half. "This is really starting to bug me! There is no way! They can't still be holding back, can they?"  
  
Tea let out a gusty sigh. "I think this time I should set up something special."

* * *

They tell their friends, they already know  
  
And they've all got bets on how long it will go.  
  
They don't see the friend who tags along  
  
And makes that they don't do things wrong.

* * *

Joey sighed over his coffee, completely ignoring the box of doughnuts between him and Tea. This was a sure sign that he was mulling over something.  
  
Tea was wearing the expression of a worried friend, willing to listen and offer advice. She WAS a worried friend willing to listen and offer advice so that part wasn't hard to feign. The hard part was stopping herself from shaking Joey's eyes out in frustration.  
  
"Seriously Tea" he moaned pitifully, "I'm completely fried here! When I'm around this person", he still balked at naming his romantic desire, "I can't do a thing! My tongue tries to hide in my throat and I can't stop grinning. I think I might be in love with her."  
  
Tea sipped her latte slowly. "Then tell her."  
  
"No way!" He shook his head frantically. "I couldn't! What if she doesn't like me back?"  
  
Tea growled in the back of her throat and quickly took another sip, drowning out the rude things she wanted to say. "Didn't you tell me earlier that you think she likes you too?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Then let me put it another way. Get the damn thing off your chest before someone else steals her from you!"  
  
Joey blinked at the unexpected vigour of Tea's words. "Uh sure Tea. I gotta go now, bye." With that, he fled.  
  
Tea rolled her eyes. "Sheesh!"

* * *

They were two stupid teens  
  
Such stupid love struck teens  
  
They couldn't see the truth at all.  
  
They had feisty friend  
  
Whose secret help she would lend  
  
She didn't want to see them fall.

* * *

It took until the next day for Tea to find Mai. The blonde was sulking in the arcade, being miserable and self-deprecating. Tea sighed gustily. "It's never easy, is it?" she asked rhetorically.  
  
Mai sighed back. "No it isn't. Men are so weird."  
  
Another girl sighed her way into the conversation. "You're telling me" she said, shaking her long black hair from her face. "I don't know why I love that arrogant dog. I just do."  
  
"But you doubt he'll ever see you as more than a friend?" Tea asked. The black-haired girl nodded miserably.  
  
"It's the rejection" Mai added. "It's so hard to face. What can you do though?"  
  
"Can you do anything?"  
  
"Well, that depends."  
  
Tea's two patients looked up curiously. "That depends on if you're willing to take the risk. What's the worst that could happen?"  
  
"A shattered heart?"  
  
"A broken soul?"  
  
Tea rolled her eyes. Why was everyone so willing to look on the bad side? "Okay then, what's the best that could happen? Think about that before you start getting all depressed. Now if you'll excuse, I have quarters that need spending."  
  
Tea went off to play Mortal Combat, leaving her colleagues to mull things over.

* * *

Hey! Look out girl, don't miss out  
  
You've got a shot, so take him now.  
  
You are more than just good friends  
  
Now make sure that the story ends!  
  
It's a good thing I could see  
  
The happy pair you two could be  
  
It's a good thing I have eyes  
  
So I could see the love inside.

* * *

Friday brought pouring rain, and Tea's mood was such that the water droplets seemed to sizzle into steam the second they touch her. Her umbrella was wholly ineffective and her newspaper was soaked to illegibility.  
  
"This is it" she said, a manic grin on her face. "Finally they're going to get together. And it's about time too; I have ballet practice coming up."  
  
Joey and Mai, clad in rain coats and wielding umbrellas strolled merrily through the wet streets. Joey was actually dancing and humming 'I'm singing in the Rain' as he went along.  
  
When the two teens set eyes on each other, wide grins split their faces. The talk immediately ensued and became more animated gradually. They stood there in the middle of a downpour for a good fifteen minutes, simply enjoying the pleasure of each other's company.  
  
This did nothing for Tea's temper however. She had just gotten around to grinding her teeth into fine powder when they finally asked the question.  
  
"Mai" Joey said as Mai said Joey", and they finished together. "Do you want to go out some time?" Realising what they'd said, they both burst into laughter. The date was set for the next day, in the little café where Tea had lectured Joey.  
  
The brunette sighed for the umpteenth time since this whole ordeal had begun. "Well" she said to herself, "What's one more day?"

* * *

He's just a boy, she's just a girl.  
  
Could I make it any more obvious?  
  
They are in love. Haven't you heard?  
  
How they rock each others' world?

* * *

By Saturday the rain had ended and the sun was peeking through the clouds curiously at the world below. In Domino, it saw the curious sight of Tea sitting across the street from a certain café, peering through a hole in a newspaper with a spyglass at two blonde teenagers enjoying each others company.  
  
"Come on you two" Tea grumbled. "I didn't go through Hell in a hand basket this week trying to get you two together for nothing! Do it! Come on. My dancing career is on the line! Do you want me to have to hang up my ballet shoes for good?"  
  
A kid with an odd looking baseball cap walked over to her. "Um Miss? Is something wrong?" he asked.  
  
Tea ignored him and stared intently through her spyglass. It seemed that someone was answering her prayers. Joey was leaning forward slightly. Mai was looking startled but she didn't back away. Instead her eyes fluttered as her soft tender violet-painted lips met and were covered by Joey's.  
  
"YES!" Tea shouted, jumping onto her bench and terrifying the kid into fleeing. "WHOO HOO! THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! OH YEAH BABY!"  
  
As Joey and Mai tried to lick the backs of each other's from the front, they utterly failed to notice the celebrating brunette in the street, or the weird looks some people were giving them. And to be fair, they likely wouldn't have cared.  
  
But Tea cared. And the first thing she thought was 'Dancing school, here I come!'

* * *

I helped those stupid teens  
  
They don't know this it seems  
  
This is as it should be  
  
They won't know it was me  
  
And I doubt that they'd believe it anyway!

* * *

Magicman: And that, as they say, is that. Good? Bad? Hopefully it makes a strong showing at the contest. Bye bye!


End file.
